OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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