well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
