hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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