I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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