Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
