Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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