u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
