I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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