Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
