all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His nipple licking is glorious
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