Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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