she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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