Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
