so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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