No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently you make a good broom.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
