Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
