FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
