So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
smell my finger.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
