when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
