Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
false alarm. still invincible.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
