I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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