i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
