It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
