My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
