oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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