He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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