you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
