Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
