I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
