His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
