They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
