You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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