At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
