This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize