those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
