Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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