it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
