Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
