Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
