He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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