White coat. Heels.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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