i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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