What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it because I queefed?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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