We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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