Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
