Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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