I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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