I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
