matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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