yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
