i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
