Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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