try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize