Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
