it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
