so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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