My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
