so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
wow bdsm is so cute
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
