just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
