On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
