Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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