you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just google imaged poop.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
