My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
