Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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