Duck Duck Cougar?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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