dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
