Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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