a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
