How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
