I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
