I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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