and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
