I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
