You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
