Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
