whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
