Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
