the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
